Throwing caution into the wind is a lot harder than it looks
Published by J. M. Adkison under on 7:41 PM
So, I've been trying to stay up to my challenge that I presented at the end of "murdering mediocrity with a pen" and to tell the truth, its not going as well as I hoped. I think I'm one of those peoples that get caught up in these great and magnificent ideas and rave about it to the world in eloquent words, then I do nothing about it. I think I'm becoming a politician.
I am also one of those people who constantly, constantly, constantly think about what other people are thinking about me. Even when I pray, I shut my eyes real tight and get a concentrated look on my face, just in case there might be one person who has his/her eyes open and is trying to see what expression I'm wearing and whether or not I look like I'm genuinely praying-most of the time I am, but other times I'm not thinking about what God is thinking about me. I'm too concerned about looking so "Christian". Of course, God did not call us to look Christian. He calls us to be Holy. And being Holy is being set apart. And when you're set apart, you don't give a patooty about what other people think about you.
Let's take meals in the caf. for instance. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I usually eat lunch by myself because all of my friends have it at noon (F.Y.I. I hate eating lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays). Well, I've been having this feeling that since I have no one to talk to at these quiet, boring meals-I ought to start praying for my food before I start eating-just as I should before every meal like I did at home. But I didn't pray before in high school in the caf.-no one ever prays before their meal at high school-not even at most christian schools I think. So, why should this caf. be any different. Well, for one thing-my caf. just so happens to be owned and frequently visited by Christians. Anyway, I decided I might try and pray at today's meal. But I couldn't do it-not really anyway. I bowed my head, but just enough to look like I was just really intent on staring at my food. That, and my prayer lasted all of half a minute. Wow, that's dedication.
So, I'm not so good at throwing caution into the wind-in fact I'm pretty bad at it. I am one of those people who think things through at least three times before I do them-I analyze everything-just to make sure I don't get in trouble. I get crazy every now and then-but not to the point where people think I'm obnoxious (at least I hope no one thinks I'm obnoxious)or that someone will yell at me. That coupled with my super-sensitivity to what other people think of me creates a very self-conscientious person who is letting himself get in the way of living a wonderfully radical life.
Now I ask you-please pray for me as I try to throw caution into the wind.
I am also one of those people who constantly, constantly, constantly think about what other people are thinking about me. Even when I pray, I shut my eyes real tight and get a concentrated look on my face, just in case there might be one person who has his/her eyes open and is trying to see what expression I'm wearing and whether or not I look like I'm genuinely praying-most of the time I am, but other times I'm not thinking about what God is thinking about me. I'm too concerned about looking so "Christian". Of course, God did not call us to look Christian. He calls us to be Holy. And being Holy is being set apart. And when you're set apart, you don't give a patooty about what other people think about you.
Let's take meals in the caf. for instance. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I usually eat lunch by myself because all of my friends have it at noon (F.Y.I. I hate eating lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays). Well, I've been having this feeling that since I have no one to talk to at these quiet, boring meals-I ought to start praying for my food before I start eating-just as I should before every meal like I did at home. But I didn't pray before in high school in the caf.-no one ever prays before their meal at high school-not even at most christian schools I think. So, why should this caf. be any different. Well, for one thing-my caf. just so happens to be owned and frequently visited by Christians. Anyway, I decided I might try and pray at today's meal. But I couldn't do it-not really anyway. I bowed my head, but just enough to look like I was just really intent on staring at my food. That, and my prayer lasted all of half a minute. Wow, that's dedication.
So, I'm not so good at throwing caution into the wind-in fact I'm pretty bad at it. I am one of those people who think things through at least three times before I do them-I analyze everything-just to make sure I don't get in trouble. I get crazy every now and then-but not to the point where people think I'm obnoxious (at least I hope no one thinks I'm obnoxious)or that someone will yell at me. That coupled with my super-sensitivity to what other people think of me creates a very self-conscientious person who is letting himself get in the way of living a wonderfully radical life.
Now I ask you-please pray for me as I try to throw caution into the wind.
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